Preposterous Writing

Ted: The Geek of Wrath

     The virus worked perfectly. The fires in the cities quickly spread to the suburbs, then to the countryside as the remaining few fled in terror. Radio and television stations were off the air, cable networks and satellite communications were dead. Phones didn't even get dial tones anymore.
     Harvey was finally alone. His decades of secretive work, clandestine meetings, self-education and sacrifice had finally paid off. He was the last human being on planet Earth.
     He contemplated his blissful solitude while looking over his garden. Plants never needed to be impressed, never judged, and never laughed at you behind your back.

     There you go. All you see above is all I know about the text and author (Ted). And that it's written on September 27th 2006. Not that it matters. It comes from a site whose members are prompter to write 100 word stories weakly. The occasion for writing this is the following prompt: "In honor of our internet service being down...AGAIN... please write something today regarding being completely cut off from civilization."

 

   
We need to inspect! 
Get your goggles!

 

     The preceding passage has the impeccable potency to diabolically mesmerize the reader with its heinous essence and intimidating portrayal of the human revengeful disposition.

     Nah, just kidding. I can't stand to read, let alone write in such ludicrous manner. I bet half of my words were used improperly.

     Getting serious now:

     Blah blah blah. revengeful disposition. Concurrently, the childishly simplistic delineation of the extirpated and perturbed locality is only an adumbration of the slovenly aftermath of such a pernicious venture as executed by the solitary character.

    *giggle, giggle* I did it again.

    Took me a bunch of thesaurus searches to convert my mediocre writing into such.. such... whatever!

   

    So, what's the main point of this?

    Did you like the writing? NO!

    Did I like the writing? NO!

    Did you think any more of me for being so "classy"? NO!

    Should I expect accolades for those sentences? NO! 

    Would you understand it better if I wrote: 

    "The text above has the power to devilishly amaze the reader with its evil nature and the scary picture it makes of the human revengeful nature. At the same time, the concise description of the chaotic environment symbolizes the messy consequences of the acts of the main character."

   

    Or would you prefer:

   "This text is amazing! It shows how evil a man can be. Also, it shows how much damage a man can do!"

I hope I managed to "show" (not "disclose") the different "degrees" (not "gauge") of "preposterous" (yes, I have to use that word here, it's my new favorite) writing.

    

Text Analysis at Its Best

     How elaborate can an analysis be if it regards a very short text, that isn't an excerpt that can be connected with other works, whose author we don't know, that has only one character, doesn't directly address any polemics or issues and is simply an "L'art pour l'art" piece?
     I'm guessing it can be huge. A critic, an English teacher (hehehe) or just a reader over-thinking everything can pull out a whole cornucopia of hidden meanings, allusions, metaphors etc. He/she can infer the physical and mental state of the writer, connect this to sociological issues, to Marxism or feminism, to mythology or religion.      Maybe someone was drunk or high or bored and scribbled the first thing that came onto his mind, but if you ask a critic, it can be a perfect reflection of his childhood traumas and related to the political events in the environment the writer grew up in.
     And then, I'm asked to analyze something for my weekly journal! Can half a page of SOAPSTONE based writing really tell enough? And if not, can I really hope to dissect a text in such tiny and precise iotas with arguments that make sense? Probably not.
     Then why try? For a grade? For fun? For that tiny piece of hope that my words can actually be perceived as something of great importance, of value, something that took time, intelligence and intellect to compose?
     I don't know!
     But I guess, if analysis can seem so absurd and preposterous, yet artistic and thoughfull, then whatever gibber I make up has the chance of being seen as refined. And then maybe even my text will be left in the hands, no, claws, of another mind that tries to find meanings, draw connections and formulate theories out of nothing.
Good luck to me, then. We'll see how that will work out.

Obsessed With Bacon

   I must say, I have o special affinity towards bacon. Maybe that was the reason why this text seemed so stupid and ridiculous.
   Here's a link: Bacon Stockings.

     As a society, we’re obsessed with bacon.
     If it isn’t bacon-flavored, it looks like bacon.
     I’ve seen a bacon-patterned knit scarf. It’s like wrapping a slice of bacon around your neck.
     And I know a fashion designer who is making photograph-sourced bacon stockings.
     They have the all striations and [marbleization] of natural bacon, very lifelike.
     And very creepy.
     But, if you think about it, it’s a lot more sanitary than using real bacon on your legs.
     Sure, the grease will help them stick, but once a stray dog catches the scent, you’re going to get chased all the way home.

   First of all: who is he to say that the whole society is obsessed with it? Maybe he is, but he shouldn't generalize. Plus, there are many things that neither taste nor look like bacon. It's a good thing that the author doesn't specify what is or isn't. It leaves space for the reader to interpret the statement and set his/her own perception of things and their extent of relatedness to bacon.

   A little about the text itself.

• His sentences are simple. 
• He appears amazed. 
• The tone is very informal, as if he's talking to a friend. 
• It might seem as if he appeals to ethos, since he uses "we" when speaking of the society, indicating that he's a part of it.
• Occasion? - he was probably hungry for bacon, or just had some!

   Now "enjoy"! Here's what he means by bacon-patterned scarf: 

  

Stockings, however, I couldn't find.

Sentence Types

   The text I'm going to look at this time is a 100 word story, whose author I can not name, since he goes only by the username "-ls/cm" on this site: http://podcasting.isfullofcrap.com

   You can find the story here.

   I will also paste the text here for easier referencing:

   I have a lot of chores to do every day.(1)

   There was an app for To Do lists on my phone, but I’d have to stop playing Angry Birds long enough to check it.(2)

   So, I picked up a cork-board and pinned my to do list up there.(3)

   When I finish a task, I stick in a pin.(4)

   I call it my Voodoo To Do List.(5)

   I just have to be careful about putting names on it.(6)

   Like when I wrote “Get birthday present for Stan” and stuck a pin in it.(7)

   Poor Stan.(8)

   Hold on.(9) Gotta add “Stan’s Funeral.”(10)

   It can be seen that the style is rather simple, the sentences concise and clear. But, what kind of sentences are there really? Here are a few definitions: 

Simple sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and no dependent clauses.

• sentence (1) - subject: I, verb: have
• sentence (5) - subject: I, verb: call
• sentence (6) - subject: I, verb: have to
• sentence (9) - command sentence, subject: you (assumed), verb: hold on
• sentence (10) - colloquial, subject: I, verb: have got to

 

Compound Sentence: A sentence with multiple independent clauses but no dependent clauses.

(The coordinators that join them are as follows: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so.)

• sentence (2) - independent clause 1, but independent clause 2.
• sentence (3) - independent clause 1 and independent clause 2 .

   

Complex Sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and at least one dependent clause.

(  A complex sentence always has a subordinator such as because, since, after, although, or when or a relative pronoun such as that, who, or which. )

• sentence (4) - when dependent clause, independent clause.
  
  

   

Complex-Compound Sentence: A sentence with multiple independent clauses and at least one dependent clause.

• no examples in the text above

Sentence Fragment: An incomplete sentence, usually a phrase or a clause mistaken for a sentence.

• sentence (7) - It may seem understandable, but there is no complete meaning
• sentence (8) - It is kind of an exclamation, could be confused with exclamatory sentence.

Analogy

To quote some Joe from Tweeter – the guy is actually named Joe, this wasn't a reference to “a random person” – “Finding the perfect analogy is like balancing a muffin on a pencil”. It’s wonderful how the phrase is so clear, yet ambiguous. Is it as difficult to perform such a maneuver? Or can you just stick the pencil’s ending into the dough and have the muffin static in the blink of an eye? There’s no way to know unless we ask him, but then again, who guarantees he has considered both options?

So, regardless of the level of difficulty of finding a fitting analogy, what is it really that analogy stands for? It has been defined as “a work that functions on a symbolic level, a kind of extended symbolism.” However, for the well trained eye, everything can have multiple meanings and some alternative representation, even if the author himself doesn’t know it or see it.

Analogy can often be mixed with metaphor and extended metaphor, since they are pretty similar, varying only in their extent or elaboration, the use (or lack thereof) comparison conjunctions, or the directness with which they are stated and acknowledged.  It’s all about comparison, comparison, comparison!

Finding examples of analogy is like going shopping for “something new”. You don’t know what you are looking for, but when you see it you know it is the real deal.

OK, maybe the previous wasn’t that successful, but after all, they are simply for clarifying or embellishment. Look for any comparison in anything you read, and unless it is absolutely literal it’s either a metaphor or an analogy.

Next, we observe newspaper articles (not op-eds!) and how and what they use to fit their purpose.

   Nobody likes complaining, right?

   Well, I'll do it anyways:

   A couple of days ago I finished reading the trilogy titled "The Hunger Games" by Susanne Collins, and I warmly suggest it to everyone. The problem with this is that there's an upcoming movie filled with new teen hot actors that are about to drive the audience crazy and create another insanity as the case was with other teen blockbusters before. Still not seeing the bad thing?

   When "twilight", the books came out, they were regular chick flick-like books. the movie made everybody think its the lamest awfullest thing in the world. 'The Last Song" By Nickolas Sparks is a touching book that can reach out to everybody, make you laugh and cry with the characters and most importantly, not let you close the book until the very end. However, the movie, "starring" Miley, the "teen diva" and Liam Hemsworth, the new "blond cutie" made everyone thing it was another work of pink lit, automatically making it repulsive to everyone who has not read, but was maybe going to read the book.
To say that their reputations got ruined would be an understatement. 

   So, consequently, the Hunger Games Movie, is probably going to be another douche-bag movie with stuff that deteriorates from the actual plot, with many dull scenes and with dialog that the "audience wants to hear". Stop it you Hollywood annoyances, ruining literature for fame craze and money.

   Oh, the device of the week?

  One should make up a name for this desecration, PuRuBo ByMaThMoVe
Publicly Ruining Movies By making Their Movie Versions!

STOP IT!

No Really...

STOP IT!!!

The Antipode

   Well, I'm glad this happened, cause I was really running out of things to talk about. I am no longer limited to exposing hyperbole, but I can use other rhetorical devices, or I can even comment on op-eds, maybe combine both and see the devices in op-eds!
   Now that I can write about such a wide range of things, I found myself wondering what should I start with. Just so that I clear this thing with overstatements out, I think that I should shine a light on the so different on the outside, yet so amazingly similar in the purpose: understatement.
 We use this to present something demeaning its extent or value, but making it so obvious that the reader understands the actual magnitude of the subject discussed.
  The example used in my class when explaining this was: "Bill Gates has a bit of money!"
  This is like saying: "There are a couple of people who know 'bout Brangelina!".
  Putting it in context, on a stormy day a person can state "It's just some rain, out there." or on a scorching day use "Mildly warm"!
  Now that we got the basics we can later dwell on more complicated or subtler uses of this device.